


Holding on

by SoupyOwlCat



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, EDI is dead, F/F, F/M, Garrus steps up, Grief, Healing, I'm Sorry, Post-red ending, overfed hamster, there might be some sweet later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoupyOwlCat/pseuds/SoupyOwlCat
Summary: The Normandy crash lands on the unknown jungle planet.  Help doesn’t seem likely to come soon.  The rest of the crew start to become resigned to their fate, Garrus still continues to hold out hope.  She had never let them down.  She had always come for them.  For him.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, its not that important, past mention of shepard and Kaidan, small hint of Traynor and Liara
Kudos: 16





	1. Part One: Aftermath  72 hours after crash

They had left her. That was the hardest thing out of all of this. It was not their current predicament that bothered him, nor the argument that was currently happening. It was that they had left her. They had left Shepard. And he would never forgive himself.

On the Citadel as it crumbled. The red light that beamed from the crucible had caused all ships in the area to flee from it and given their crash landing it had probably been the correct decision. Even if it was not the best one.

She had always come for them. She had come for him. Always. And they had let her down when she needed them the most. When she had needed him the most. And he had failed her.

Garrus closed his eyes tightly at that final thought and took in a deep mournful breath. He had not been happy that she had commanded him to retreat on the Normandy after his injury. After all, it was just a _scratch_. He would have been fit enough to have followed her into the beam of light to take them up to the citadel during the suicidal charge.

That charge. Itself was ultimately the worst decision they could have made. He was surprised that anyone had made it. And yet, when it all had seemed lost. That no one had made it. She had made it. Anderson too. So, there was hope. The Reapers could be defeated after all.

The fact that he hadn’t been at her side to have done that still stung. Yet he still hung onto hope. She had after all killed one of those mechanic crustaceans on foot. She had obviously pushed a few buttons to fire the crucible. Easy.

That hope had officially started to fade after they had crashed on this isolated planet a day ago. The fairy-tale had started to cinder. The Normandy was dark and unresponsive. EDI just as equally dark. Traynor’s initial attempts to get the comms back online had been one failure after another. Until five hours ago when she struck gold.

They had all huddled around in the CIC room as they listened to the emergency alert communication that was relayed by Admiral Hackett. They had cheered when they had heard that the reapers were dead. Destroyed by the red beam that had been released from the crucible. They had hugged each other tightly as the emergency alert had spoke of the destruction that was now being assessed. They had exchanged tentative hopeful glances as it had spoken about the attempts to restore major communication and relay systems. That hope had ended for most of them when the alert had mentioned the Citadel.

“I can’t believe it…”

“How could anyone survive that…”

No one had dared voice what was on their thoughts. If the cursory survey teams investigating the citadel had found the outside of the building blackened, ruined and silent as the announcement had stated, then how could anyone have survived that? How could Shepard have survived that?

That was how the argument had started. And it was Joker who was the one who had voiced what they were all thinking in their heartbreak.

“You shouldn’t have made me turn away,” the pilot had cried, his voice hoarse and his eyes red-rimmed from the loss of EDI already. “I could have saved her; I know I could have saved her!”

Alenko had looked as equally wretched, Garrus had felt some sympathy for him but only a little. It had been Kaidan who had given the order for Joker to turn away from the Citadel. Away from her.

Garrus opened his eyes as he felt a gentle touch on his forearm. Liara’s kind face smiled sadly at him. Her blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears as she squeezed his arm in sympathy. He smiled slightly in response, his mandibles twitching weakly at her display of empathy.

“We did leave _lola_.” James stated quietly from the back, where he stood with the rest of the human crew. “We shouldn’t have left her, but we did.”

Kaidan rubbed his eyes and grimaced as he replied, “I know but we didn’t have much choice. Believe me, if we had had another option, I would have taken it.”

It was only when Joker let out a snort and opened his mouth to retort that Garrus opened his mouth to speak. “Shepard wouldn’t want us to argue like this. We’re alive, and just because the Citadel is the way it is, doesn’t mean that she’s….”

He drifted off as he looked around the room, taking stock of the atmosphere in it. Kaidan and Joker looked defiant, if not _pissed_. Liara and Traynor looked ready to cry. James and Tali apprehensive. Javik looked merely unimpressed.

“I’m not for the speeches that Shepard is fond of making,” Garrus started, his bright blue eyes surveying each major crew member in turn as he weighed and measured each one of them. “But I know one thing, and that’s that she’s chosen a crew that’s like none other. We have been through some _serious_ shit over the last few years together, and we’ve always come through.

“I know that its not going to be easy, and I know that the news isn’t entirely hopeful, but we have to hold onto that hope. I’m not going to put her name up on that memorial wall alongside Ash, Mordin and Thane. I’m just not going to entertain that thought.” He growled softly as he looked at each crew member. “The Reapers are gone. She’s defeated them. Its only been three days, we can’t just write her off just because Hackett and the Alliance on _Earth_ have yet to send rescue teams to the Citadel. I’m definitely _not_ going to think that she’s dead.” He took in a deep breath, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some calibrations to run now that we have some power back.”


	2. Part Two: Aftermath 72 hours after crucible launch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rescue mission is launched...

Wrex couldn’t believe the quad on the human woman! Not only had she stolen a ship but had managed to persuade a sizeable crew to go along with her plan. Although he wouldn’t deny to being rather happy to see the doc again. And it was for a very good cause.

“We must face facts that for the moment Hackett and the Alliance will not be sending search parties on the Citadel.” The raven-haired woman had said with a slight twang to her voice as she met with the crew in the small CIC.

“I completely agree with you Miranda,” Dr.Chackwas had replied, as she nodded in agreement. “We cannot accept that the Commander is gone. She has always come for us whenever we have been in trouble, she pulled the galaxy together to fight the reapers, and we can not fail to do the same for her. I for one owe Shepard my life. Many times over. I have never forgotten her saving us from the collector ship.”

Of course, those who had gathered in the ship had owed Shepard in some way or another. Some owed their lives to the human. He owed her a whole planet that had been saved by her actions.

So here he was, on the small ship as it made its journey towards the citadel. They had been prepared for the destruction of the citadel, and the blackened, ruined and silent structure only elicited reactions from most of the human crew. The only other unmoved as he was, was Zaaed. The mercenary turned to the krogan and grimaced as he grunted:

“Seen bad things in my time. Some crazy shit. Most of it even when not running with Shepard but hard to imagine anyone surviving that. Might have to face facts.”

The krogan growled in response, “Lived longer, and seen more shit. When you live through the genophage you see a lot of bad shit. This is barely anything. Shepard’s alive. Can feel it in my bones. That human is hard to kill. Not easy for her to go down.”

“We’ll see. Might have to face facts.”

=000000=

  
Breathing was getting harder. Arm was broken, badly. Legs too. Head ached like a bitch. Everything was pitch black but it was hard to make out if that was from the dark or from anything else. Voice was hoarse too. It was getting difficult to not panic.

After all, the last time she felt like this she had died once….

=000000=

Wrex was not sure how he had managed to get partnered with the woman – Miranda, he kept reminding himself – but he was grudgingly growing to respect her. She had a lot of quad in her. Not only had she shut down Zaeed when she had overheard the mercenary talk about “facing facts” but she had also laid down discipline to direct the scantily clad angry biotic human to actually do what she was told.

“Jack, we have our differences but I’m not here to fight with you. We’re doing this for Shepard. If you don’t want to be part of that, then you can stay on the ship and provide support for Chackwas.” The woman had said, and she had a lot of guts.

“I’m surprised that the Alliance didn’t actually scan the citadel, there’s a couple of life signs still around the place.” Miranda said as she pursed her lips in annoyance, and bringing him back to present. “There aren’t many but there are pockets. I will send coordinates to the other team so they can reach them. Our priority should be finding Shepard.”

  
“I agree.” He grunted, following the human woman as she climbed between some more fallen debris.

“Can’t believe the destruction of this place but the fact that we’ve found some life signals is a very good sign. Gives us hope that Shep’s alive, y’know?”

“I really wish that you would uncloak yourself Kasumi, it’s not necessary.” Miranda exclaimed as she turned to the general direction of where they had heard the other woman’s voice.

“I know, but I really don’t want you both to see me ugly cry.” Kasumi said with a small dry-chuckle as she uncloaked herself. “However, since you have asked so nicely, and Wrex seems to be unimpressed its probably for the best. Mystery over after all.”

Wrex smirked, “Knew that you were there anyway. Krogan have a very good sense of smell.”

“You saying I smell?”

“Maybe I should have paired up with Jack...”

=000000=

Voices. That alerted her. Granted they were somewhat distant but there were voices and they were those that she recognised. She took a deep breath and tried to sit up using her unbroken arm but fell back with a hiss in pain as her back and shoulders started to spasm in agony. Her legs remained useless. Her throat was still hoarse, it was difficult to speak. But there were people here. They were alive, and so was she….

=000000=

“Got a life signal here.” Kasumi stated as she looked at her omni-tool. “Only one, but that’s better than none.”

  
“That’s good, and its near us?” Miranda asked as she made her way across the rubble.

“Affirmative.”

They had spent ancestors knows how long in what had been the citadel. The life signals that Miranda had found earlier on in the team’s venture into the ruins of the citadel had been located. The survivors were small in number, Zaeed had reported grimly, and their injuries would have to be seen to – good thing they brought the doc – but they were alive and had returned to the ship. That had been hours ago. And no other life signal had been found since. Lots of bodies though. Twisted bodies. Broken bodies. Burnt bodies. For some they had come too late. For others, it would not have mattered. Wrex was used to death. He was krogan. It was practically in their blood. He had survived the krogan wars. He had survived his father’s attempt to kill him. He had survived the genophage. The countless wars he had participated in over the many years. That bar fight against that really old krogan….

Yet seeing this….well he was having a hard time reminding himself that he had seen and survived worse.

That mantra had almost been shaken when they came across the body.

“Shit, its Anderson!” Kasumi had cried as she knelt down next to the man’s body. “He’s stone cold.”

Then they came across the second body…

“It’s the Illusive Man.” Miranda had said as she nudge her boot against his body. “Looks like he engineered himself after all.”

Engineered was a nicer way of putting it, Wrex thought as he took in the human male lying on the ground some small distance away from Anderson. The man looked exactly like Saren.

“Idiot.” He grunted as he turned from the body. His nostrils flaring as he took in the smell of sickly-sweet decay from the bodies.

“I knew that he had plans to do this. From the files that I got from Horizon when I was after my father but my god, didn’t think he’d be this stupid to do that to himself.” Miranda said as she came over to join him. “The life sign is just a slightly bit further though and a little bit underneath us according to the scans. I think we should continue. We can’t do anything more here.”

“The life sign has got to be Shepard. Knew it in my quad.”

“Well, lets hope you’re right. Lets go and find out.”

=000000=

The voices were getting louder. They were calling her name. “Shepard.” She tried to call back to them but her throat burnt so much that forming words was difficult. She almost cried in frustration. Everything was black. She couldn’t see those who had come for her, but she could hear them. She took another breath and tried again. This time a hoarse whisper called back to them.

It felt like eternity until she heard footsteps. Strong and heavy footsteps that overpowered the others as they came to where she was on the ground.

“My god, its Shep!”

“Don’t worry, we’ve got you. I’ve got you!”

“Careful not to lift her just yet Wrex, she’s in a bad state.” The Australian twang that Shepard recognised to be from Miranda cautioned. “Shepard, you’re okay. We’re here. We can’t move you just yet, not until Chackwas gets here and then we’ll move you to the ship….”

On the other side of her, the other accented voice that she identified to be from Kasumi was talking to someone else.

“We need a pick-up at this location. We’ve found her, we have Shepard.”

She was safe. She was going to be okay. She was alive. And she was with friends. Her crew. Her family.

_Garrus._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for leaving Kudos! Next chapter, we will be checking back in with the Normandy crew and seeing how they’re doing. Originally, I had this chapter at the end, and then would have continued this on into another part but I’m impatient. I want something nice before things get a little bit heavy in the angst. I always imagined that the old Normandy crew (those that helped the crucible etc) would probably stay on Earth. I also can’t imagine Wrex and the surviving ex-Normandy crew to not participate in searching for Shepard on the citadel. Or at least, I can’t imagine Wrex not doing so. He would probably have commandeered a ship and taken it there himself. Also, there’s a very small easter-egg to Andromeda in this. Did you spot it?;)   
> Thank you for reading. Don't forget to leave kudos or a comment. =)

**Author's Note:**

> This seems like a good place to split the chapters. I haven’t written for a few years now, so it was nice to get back into writing fanfiction again. This started off as a one-shot during planning, then it extended. I might seem harsh towards Kaidan (I actually like him!) in this but I’m only going off my playthroughs from ME3. He seems to be the one that pulls Joker away from saving Shepard in all my playthroughs. Thanks for reading. Please feel free to leave a comment or kudos. I will try to update on a regular basis.=)


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